Nobody can save you from yourself

I remember being 15 years old and being admitted to a psychiatric hospital for the first time. I believed that being admitted would cure me, that it would present me with the salvation I was so deeply craving. The idea of being admitted felt almost comfortable - I imagined it being just like the movies portrayed; I'd be wrapped up in bubble wrap, whisked away from my terrible thoughts and protected from myself. Oh, how wrong I was.

You see, in the end, nobody can truly protect you from yourself. The only person who can protect you from yourself is you.

My first admission was a hectic one, to put it lightly. In more accurate terminology, I was an absolute nightmare. Nobody could look after me, and I made sure of that. I was more an angsty, angry teenager as opposed to anything else. I began to blame everyone around me for the fact that I wasn't getting better - I blamed my 'lack of treatment', my 'poor care', my 'futile' care team. Anybody but myself.

During that admission, I spent the majority of my time on a wild path of self destruction. I would go on home leave and self harm, abscond from the unit and self harm, and even bring back items from home to self harm with. I'd jump the fence, just for the hell of it, as well as run away from the on-site school, just because I could. I refused to attend therapy, I refused to take my medications, and point-blank refused any help I was offered. Long story short, I didn't get better during that admission. Looking back now, I know it's because I refused to help myself.

My transformation from angry teenager to the person I am now can only be put down to one thing - maturity.

At the beginning of my most recent admission, I refused to engage and ultimately I got nowhere. Then, I began to help myself. I attended therapy, education and groups, I engaged with staff and patients and began to build my leave up.

And here I am now. I am completely discharged from hospital and I am no longer on section! Sure, I'm not completely better. I still have a long, long way to go yet, but I'm getting there. I still have some down days, and admittedly, I have had a few slip ups along the way. But I'm getting there.

Moral of the story: Nobody can save you from yourself, the only person who can save you is you.