"Attention Seeking"

'Attention seeking' is a term that is often used in a derogatory context. I've frequently heard people say things such as:

"S/he is only doing that to attention seek!"
"S/he is an attention seeker because they cut themselves."
"S/he isn't really suicidal - they only took those tablets because they are an attention seeker."

I'm not innocent - I'm also guilty of using the term in a negative way in the past. But I've been thinking recently, is attention seeking really a bad thing?

If, for example, it turns out that somebody is using self harm as a form of gaining attention, should they really be considered 'time wasters' and 'fakes'? If they are harming themselves in order to gain attention, that obviously means that they're lacking positive attention in another part of their life.

If somebody feels the need to go the extreme of harming their own body just so that somebody will take notice of them, they are obviously extremely lonely and unhappy with their life.

Next time you decide to call somebody out on their 'attention seeking' behaviours, or decide to humiliate them and belittle their struggles due to the fact that you think they are only acting in that way to get people to look at them - please think about this. Before you accuse them of attention seeking, first think to yourself, why are they attention seeking in the first place? Maybe they just need a friend or somebody who will listen to them whilst they vent about their struggles.

'Attention seeking' doesn't have to be a derogatory term.

The Correlation between Mental and Physical Illness

Being mentally unwell is one thing, but being both physically and mentally unwell can become detrimental. Although mental illness and physical illness are both times of sickness, there’s a clear border between the two which can make seeking help from both ends of the spectrum extremely difficult.

Poor physical health can lead to poor mental health, and vice versa. For example, if you were vomiting 50 times a day, you’d be pretty damn miserable, right? On the other hand, if you were up until 4am every night because the voices in your head wouldn’t shut up, only to have to wake up for work at 6am, you’re not exactly going to be in peak physical condition.

Any condition that affects your independence and functionality is no doubt going to put strain on your mental wellbeing which is why the border between mental illness and physical illness needs to be eradicated.

Some people reading this might know that I have a rare chronic condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type III. EDS is caused by a collagen defect, and since collagen is found in the skin, joints, muscles, ligaments, blood vessels, digestive, cardiovascular and autonomic nervous system, symptoms can range from being mild to life-threatening and life limiting. Some of the symptoms I experience are joint dislocations and subluxations, extremely fragile and sensitive skin, susceptibility to infections, hearing loss, fatigue and musculoskeletal pain.

My mental health makes seeking help for physical ailments near impossible.

“Did you dislocate your shoulder as a form of self-harm?”

“Are you purposely disturbing that wound?"
“Are your fevers caused by illicit drug use?”
“But you were fine yesterday!”
“Are you drug seeking?”
“You’re overreacting, it’s all in your head!”
“You’re just a teenager. All teenagers get tired.”

Feeling unwell and fatigued recently has caused my mental health to spiral and lead me into a relapse. If I can barely wake up in time for college in the mornings, and then end up near tears after climbing two flights of stairs, how is that going to be anything but detrimental for my mental health? The only aspect of my wellbeing that is being cared for is my emotional and intellectual wellbeing. Unless one is well holistically, they'll never be truly well.

I am just one example of why mental and physical treatment teams need to come together and work as one to ensure that their patients are receiving holistic care. Whether somebody’s pain is genuine, psychogenic or even fictitious, that person deserves to be cared for and given the appropriate treatment because in the end, we’re all human and we’ve all hurt at some point.

What is mental illness?

Mental illness; the unspoken; the unheard; the stigmatized; the dark shroud smothering ones personality and perception of life.

We ARE the face of mental illness. Over 850,000 children and adolescents across the United Kingdom live with some form of mental illness. That is more than the amount of children living with cancer. Sometimes, I wish that I could swap my mental illness for something physical. Mental illness doesn’t show up on a blood test. An x-ray can’t confirm a broken mind like it can a broken arm. They can’t take a biopsy of your brain and conclude “Yep, that’s some mental illness right there”. There is no magic cure. We can’t have a course of chemotherapy, or surgery to take away the shadows cloaking our minds.

It is deemed as wrong, as attention seeking to speak out about what is happening inside of our heads. We’re not strong for battling our own minds; we are seen as weak. People assume that we simply can’t deal with the troubles occurring in day-to-day life.

“Toughen up!”
“There’s nothing wrong with you!”
“You are so ungrateful!”
“You have a roof over your head, food, water, a warm bed, clothes; why are you complaining? Some people have nothing.”

It’d be wrong for me to say that I sometimes want them to walk a day in my shoes, to wake up to voices and the evil screaming in your ear, because why should anybody wish that upon another human being?

“You aren’t good enough.”
“Nobody likes you, let alone loves you.”
“You’re a burden.”
“You should just kill yourself, everyone else will be so much happier.”

The reality is, we are so full of love and life beneath the mentally unwell part of us. All we want to do is to care for others and make the world a better place. Some of us have been through things that no other should have to endure, and we want to ensure that nobody else ever has to suffer the way that we have. We’ve seen the world in a different light.

We don’t want your attention, we don’t want your sympathy. We simply want somebody to understand, we want somebody to help us to live happily. We aren’t all like the stigma portrays us. We aren’t all manipulative, nasty, unpredictable and dangerous. Some of us are just having a hard time.

All that we really want is your understanding.

Introducing Me

Hi, my name is Shelby and I'm 16 years old.

I've been wanting to start a blog regarding my mental health, and my journey for a long while but I've always been so afraid of other people's opinions that I've just pushed the idea to the back of my mind. I was scared of being considered an "attention seeker", or a "fake", as so many others who choose to share the ins and outs of their minds are. But, I've learned that one step towards recovery is ignoring those with a negative judgement and beginning to focus on the positives.

Long story short, I was diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in late 2012, and admitted to an adolescent psychiatric unit in July the following year after a series of life-threatening behaviours. Later on, I was sectioned under the mental health act and transferred to a psychiatric intensive care unit 60 miles away from my home - my Mum travelled three hours every single day without fail just to keep me company the entire time I was an inpatient there. But, 60 miles was nothing; some patients were forced to come as far away as Ireland, 450 miles away from their loved ones due to the bed shortage.

I was discharged in October and had an amazing 10 month streak without any scary behaviour! Unfortunately, I relapsed 2 months ago. Since then, I've been in and out of hospital for both my mental and physical well-being, but I'll expand further on that later.

I feel like I'm really ready to get my life back and begin doing the things that I should have been doing the past few years that I've spent consumed by my mind - no teenager, or anybody for that matter should have to spend years going back and forth between hospital and home, bouncing between the two like a yo-yo.

My goal is to heal my mind, and help to lift the stigma against mental health in the process as well as letting others know that they're not alone in the way that they're feeling. I refuse to be treated like a prisoner by my thoughts any longer. :-)